Last year was a TOUGH year for me. Through all of the ups and downs, I started to lose faith. I felt lost. I didn't exactly know what I wanted and where to start.
I stopped going to church because I didn't know WHAT religion I was, and to be brutally honest, I was angry at God. I was so mad that last year was so difficult, and it forced me to completely lose myself.
Growing up, I attended a Lutheran Church, but transferred to a Presbyterian Church because of my boyfriend. After we split up, I realized that I was just going through the religious motions, and I severely lacked a relationship with God. I'm not going to bash any religions here, but I just knew in my heart that I hadn't found what religion was right for me.
I eventually started praying more. I started reading my Bible, and "The Purpose Driven Life". I started exploring the world and experiencing things I had never done before. I traveled. I listened to new music. Read books I would've never read before. I opened my heart and just allowed myself to grow. Although every decision I made during that time was not the best, it still allowed me to grow. Every single day I felt myself getting stronger. Every day I felt more like MYSELF again. This past year I was lead down a winding road of ups and downs, but eventually things started looking up. I was accepted into PA School, I became closer with my family, and a wonderful man named Clinton Tyler entered my life.
You'll hear me talk a lot about him, but its because he is literally that wonderful of a person. I truly believe that God created his soul to perfectly match mine. I cannot even explain what occurs inside of me when I'm with him, but I know I'm a better person since he's entered my life. I'm eager to learn new things, do more, and love more.
My life was quickly changing, and I knew it wasn't by chance.
With PA School starting, I told myself that in addition to obtaining my education, I needed to focus on God as well. I actually made a list of the important things in my life that I had to learn to balance in order to live a happy life. These included: God, C.T. (Thats short for Clinton Tyler), family, working out/eating healthy, & my AdvoCare business ALL while keeping up on my PA studies. My first semester was NOT easy for me, and the first thing I sacrificed was God. I literally put Him on the back burner.
When I returned to school for my second semester, a fellow classmate wanted to create a Ladies Bible Study. To be honest with you, I didn't know what to expect. I'm not the type of person to throw religion in ones face, nor am I a person who can handle getting religion thrown in my face. I knew I was desperately lacking something in my life though, and I had nothing to lose by attending.
I wish I could explain the rush of emotions I felt throughout the meeting. A group of 8 classmates joined together- all from different backgrounds, different religions, and different strengths and weaknesses to share experiences. It might sounds cheesy to you, but this was EXACTLY what I needed in my life. That void was filled, and I left the meeting feeling AMAZING!
Although I'm incredibly confused about religion, and where I belong, I realized that the most important thing is my personal relationship with God. Throughout all of my ups and downs, I made it out stronger and wiser. It wasn't the path I would've chosen for myself initially, but looking back now, I wouldn't have changed a thing. I've learned to just trust.
Before I go, I just wanted to encourage you to step out of the box, open your heart, and let yourself grow as a person. Try to experience new things. Expand your knowledge. Eat new food. Listen to new music. Just do something different!! Pray or meditate, whichever is right for you. As you grow, you'll see that sometimes people in our lives hold us back. Select the people you associate with yourself wisely. Surround yourself with POSITIVE people. Those people who inspire you to not only be a better person, but be YOURSELF. Those that encourage you to live, love, and learn - even if it means getting lost along the way. Sometimes these people aren't your family members or best friends, and if thats the case, keep pressing forward! Because its a tragedy to live your life to meet someone else's expectations, than to do what makes you happy and be who you truly are.